Wednesday, May 31, 2006

A Million Little Feces

Current mood: tired of the nonsense

Category: Writing and Poetry

"Silvie" is the latest myspacer to be victimized by a certain psychotic erstwhile writer who shall be nameless.

I appear only as a minor character in this new paranoid fantasy, but he's been circulating his fictional version of our brief internet relationship on various websites for more than two years.

My heart goes out to Sylvie. It's hard to read something about yourself that's so malicious and untrue.

But it could be worse. You could be the nut case who wrote it.

To Sylvie, wherever you are: If posting someone else's picture is a crime, then millions of people on myspace are guilty.

The real crime is posting fiction as fact, and defaming your friends.

Now I know why you deleted your profile.

I miss you, Sylvie and wish you well.


Update: Readers can google *Bellecurve AND Sylvie* for the whole sad story.

It seems that Mr. Nameless has become the Captain Queeg of the internet. Who will be his next target?

Update II:

From the Delicious Demon home page:

Current News

05/28 - New Story

A new story, entitled The Internet by Ken Brown, has been posted to the Visual Art & Literature section of Delicious Demon.

You see, you can't make this shit up. He's still posting about me. It's the same kooky shit he posted as a blog here on myspace back in 2004.

I'm guessing Ken's story about Sylvie, Internet II, will be featured next in the Literature section of Delicious Demon..

Caveat lector.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Delicious Demon Wants To Know

Current mood: impish

Category: Life

1) What is your favorite word?


2) What is your least favorite word?

That's a tie between Jack Daniel's and manic depression.

3) What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Life in general.

4) What turns you off?

Knowing I can't live forever.

5) What is your favorite curse word?


6) What sound or noise do you love?

My Hitachi Magic Wand.

7) What sound or noise do you hate?

Loud, bad music coming out of ten dollar wall speakers at Bally's Fitness Center.

8) What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Stand-up comic.

9) What profession would you not like to attempt?


10) If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

"I see you've accumulated some frequent fryer miles. You can use them to visit Ken in Hell. He's in the seventh circle, all the way down and two doors to the left."

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Deeplip's Response To Ken's Poem On Delicious Demon

Current mood: saucy

Category: Writing and Poetry


When Poe's raven talks,
shouldn't you put "Nevermore"
in quoth-ation marks?


Sunday, May 21, 2006

Don't Believe The Hype

Current mood: tumescent

Category: Romance and Relationships


What do women want? (Sigmund Freud)

Believe me, old man -
it's not about size.

It's all about love and
the look in their eyes.

I don't give a damn if
you're not well endowed.

If you're extra small, then
I'll come extra loud.

(From Deeplip's novella-in-verse, Unreqwerty'd Love: the story of belle and play.)
You Need An Attitude Adjustment, Old Man

Current mood: reproving

Category: Romance and Relationships


Solipsistic, narcissistic


Your sadomasochistic ass

is something quite atrocious.

(From Deeplip's novella-in-verse, Unreqwerty'd Love: the story of belle and play.)
Less Is More

Current mood: jabberwocky-ish

Category: Writing and Poetry

I learned a new word, today. A retired New York City police detective was on NPR, flogging his book. One of the words in the title was consultancing.

Naturally I was horrificated . It was almost as shocking as hearing Noam Chomsky use the word "analyzation" in an interview on BAI .

If words are allowed to metastasize, how long before we're all grunting and pointing?
Saving Face

Current mood: chagrined but relieved

Writing and Poetry


The plural form of
tanka is tanka - no "s".
The same for haiku.

I've disgraced myself!
The only way to save face
is hara-kiri.

That's old school, Mama-san - just
drop pant and spread cheek.

(From Pandora Blue's The Little Book of Poems About Poetry and Poets)
Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Current mood: contemptuous

Category: News and Politics

Bush Wants Newcomers to Learn English

By SUZANNE GAMBOA, Associated Press Writer 49 minutes ago

The White House took both sides in a dispute over English being the national language Friday as a broad immigration bill moved toward a final Senate vote next week with one conservative predicting it will never become law.

Bush's support for the dueling sides doesn't stray from his long-held view on learning English, said White House press secretary Tony Snow.

"What the president has said all along is that he wants to make sure that people who become American citizens have a command of the English language," Snow said. "It's as simple as that."


Bush could set an example by learning to speak English himself.

What if the president had no prepared speeches, no teleprompters, no talking points, no earbuds piping in Dick Cheney's words of wisdom?

What if he had to communicate extemporaneously? A chilling thought, no?

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Splitsville For A Semi-Royal Couple

Current mood: meanspirited

Category: Life

When I'm Sixty-four

When I get older losing my hair,
Many years from now.
Will you still be sending me a Valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine.
If I'd been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door.
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four.


Apparently not.

Rich and famous geezers who marry much younger women deserve what they get, or in this case, what they lose. And with no pre-nup, the tab comes to about a billion dollars.

And yikes, if this is what Sir Paul looks like after a facelife (see picture on Deeplip's MySpace blog), it doesn't say much for vegetarianism.

Maybe he needs to tuck into some steak tartare.

(Deeplip, who will look about twelve after her facelift - but who will not be trolling for teenagers.)

11:08 AM - 0 Comments - 0
Oh, Where Are You From, Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

Current mood: not buying it

Category: Romance and Relationships

Hello! So I decided to use the chance to get to know you better. Hope, I will be lucky now. The most important for me what is inside of you and how do you feel about the life. Life is too short to use it only for thinking and dreaming. I try to act but not only to dream. I will not write you much about myself now. I will just give you an idea of who I name is billy , i am 46 from texas.I want to meet serious woman who would like to have strong and loving family in the future. I have a higher education and I am rather intelligent. . I have really many interests: music, reading, books, computers, movies, good conversations, sports and many other things which make the life wonderful. I like beautiful clothes and things. I know many people but I am very picky about the friends. Friend is a person who will be with me all my life. And I am lucky to have some really good friends. But I am very sociable that is why there are many people I have good relations with. . I am rather independent. And work to be able to pay for the things I want to have in my life. In some words I can tell you, that I enjoy the life as it is and I love the life with all its aspects. I am very kind (I am not boasting :-)) which hurts me often. But I am strong enough to overcome the hardships on my way. I think we should use every chance to find our happiness. You can write me on my personal e-mail: (Redacted) I still hope for your reply. Have a good day!!!!!!! Faithfully to you billy! billy_scooby_nice_guy


Well, dagnabbit! This here letter sure don' sound like it was written by a native Texan. What do y'all think?

Interesting syntax. He omits some necessary articles and adds others where they don't belong. Yet he uses colons correctly!

I need a man who can speak my language. The right man can make it happen just by whispering in my ear --- from as far away as Brooklyn, actually --- and something tells me Billy Boy isn't The One.

(Deeplip, who hates to be lied to and Bubba here is a lying liar, for damn sure.)

Saturday, May 13, 2006


Pain meds make love tough

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Certain common painkillers such as ibuprofen and naproxen apparently increase the likelihood that middle-aged and elderly men will develop erection difficulties, Finish sic) researchers reported yesterday.

The painkillers involved are classified as nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, or NSAIDs.

Dr. R. Shiri and colleagues at the University of Tampere found that the erectile dysfunction rate was 93 cases per 1,000 men per year among NSAID users compared with just 35 cases among nonusers.

Arthritis was the most common reason study subjects gave for NSAID use. But for whatever reason they were taken, NSAIDs roughly doubled the risk of erectile dysfunction compared with non-use, according to the study in the Journal of Urology.

News Wire Services


Flossing makes make love tough

Saturday, May 13th, 2006

Certain common hygienic practices, such as flossing increase the likelihood that middle-aged and elderly men will develop erection difficulties, Finish (sic )researchers reported yesterday.

The practice is considered a noninvasive oral hygiene procedure, or NOHP.

Dr. R. Shiri and colleagues at the University of Tampere found that the erectile dysfunction rate was 93 cases per 1,000 men per year among men who flossed compared with just 35 cases among men who did not floss.

Bad breath ("dragon mouth") was the most common reason study subjects gave for flossing, followed by food particles lodged between the teeth. But for whatever reason they flossed, men who engaged in NOHP roughly doubled the risk of erectile dysfunction compared with non-flossers.

Anyone have a problem with the logic, or lack of it, behind this asinine "study"? Substitute "men who drive foreign cars" for flossers, or "men who watch the history channel". Men who take NSAIDS obviously have other problems, which may be the causative factor (or a contributing factor) rather than the NSAIDS. The study proves nothing, except how breathtakingly stupid these so-called researchers are.

How Do You Say "Supersize Me" In Chinese?

Current mood: thumbs down

Category: News and Politics

China shifts to a drive-through culture
By Simon Montlake Fri May 12, 4:00 AM ET

Lunchtime in China's footwear capital, where giant factories spit out shoes for sale on four continents, is an object lesson in globalization and the evolution of a brash boomtown.

While the Brazilian cafes cater to homesick migrants who work in the leather trade, the chic Japanese sushi restaurants and Italian pizza joints aim squarely at China's newly rich. There's a Spanish tapas bar, half a dozen Thai options, and plenty of local and regional Chinese restaurants. And the marble-floored luxury hotels have international buffets.

Did I mention the new McDonald's?
No, not just a regular run-of-the-mill McDonald's. Dongguan already has those, along with all the other imported fast-food franchises that are multiplying fast across China. Instead, this car-crazed city of industrial fortunes is getting its first taste of another all-American habit: the drive-through.

Ever since China cracked open the door to foreign capitalism in the late 1970s, it has been shifting gears at a furious pace. At times, the breathless rush of development can be disorienting, not to say destructive.
But there's comfort in the unbending traditions that endure in China. Until now, I counted among them family mealtimes, the clatter of chopsticks over communal plates. For my own Chinese-American in-laws, this is the social ritual that trumps all others. Scoffing down a burger at the wheel is a poor substitute, and I found it odd to imagine a nation of convivial diners surrendering their birthright.

It's no accident that McDonald's opened its first drive-through in Dongguan last December. Local newspapers have estimated that one in three Dongguan households, excluding the vast migrant workforce, own an automobile, making it one of the highest rates in China. Slick new highways cut through the city, dotted with speed cameras that catch out-of-town motorists unawares.

The new McDonald's, which also has a sit-down restaurant, occupies the corner of a suburban street of salmon-pink apartments and low-rise malls. It's a world apart from Dongguan's gritty shoe factories where migrants sleep in crowded dormitories and line up for canteen meals. Even the smoggy skies are softer on the eye, and a green hillside pokes out behind an electricity pylon that towers overhead. Out past the downtown cluster of skyscrapers called, with utter frankness, "Central Wealth District," Dongguan's famous shoe leather meets the gas pedal, and there's not an iron bicycle in sight.

In short, it's an ideal locale for the all-American meal in your car. McDonald's calls it a natural response to the "fast-paced lives" of many Chinese who they hope will embrace this "next generation" of restaurants. A second drive-through has opened this year in Shanghai, and more are promised.


Soon the Chinese will be as fat and as sick as we are.

Friday, May 12, 2006

"And He made them male and female"

Current mood: accusatory

Category: News and Politics

100 Oil-Coated Penguins Dead in Argentina

By SHAYNA CHABNER, Associated Press Writer

Thu May 11, 7:38 PM ET

About 100 oil-coated penguins have turned up dead in recent weeks off the coast of Argentina, most in a nature reserve near the frigid southernmost tip of Patagonia, environmentalists and authorities said Thursday.

The Argentine Coast Guard said it was sending flights in search of oil spills, but reported finding none that could have caused the birds coated in black crude to begin arriving on shores off the Straits of Magellan.
"This is very worrisome. We don't know the source," said Francisco Anglesio, environmental undersecretary for Santa Cruz province where the deaths occurred, speaking with reporters in southern Argentina.


Penguins mate for life with one partner, and we now know they often form same sex unions. Perhaps this is God's punishment for homosexuality?

Thursday, May 11, 2006

The Emperor's Clothes

Current mood: dumbfounded

Category: Writing and Poetry

Blues in Half-Tones, ¾ Time

By Rita Dove

From nothing comes nothing,
don't you know that by now?
Not a thing for you, sweet thing,
not a wing nor a prayer,though you got half
by birthright,
itching under the skin.

(There's a typo somewhere.)
Buck 'n' wing,
common prayer
which way do you run?
The oaken bucket's
all busted
and the water's all gone.

I'm not for sale because I'm free.
(So they say. They say
the play's the thing, too,
but we know that don't play.)
Everyone's a ticket
or a stub, so it might as well
cost you, my dear.

But are you sure you lost it?
Did you check the back seat?
What a bitch. Gee, that sucks.
Well, you know what they say.
What's gone's gone.
No use crying.
(There's a moral somewhere.)


This poem is so bad, you'd swear it was written by Maya Angelou. What in the name of God has gone wrong with poetry?

Versifying sisters are a dime a dozen, so being a black female can't account for this woman's success. What on earth is Rita Dove's appeal? High school poets read better poems at poetry slams.

If this drivel is what we get from a Pulitzer winner and a Poet Laureate, then Alicia Keys deserves to be America's best selling contemporary poet.


Update: This poem by Elizabeth Bishop is in every sense of the word poetry. We can experience her poem. When we read about the gas station, we are there.

Bishop's poem shows us. Dove's poem tells us - and that's the difference.

Filling Station

By Elizabeth Bishop

Oh, but it is dirty!
--this little filling station,
oil-soaked, oil-permeated
to a disturbing, over-all
black translucency.
Be careful with that match!
Father wears a dirty,
oil-soaked monkey suit
that cuts him under the arms,
and several quick and saucy
and greasy sons assist him
(it's a family filling station),
all quite thoroughly dirty.
Do they live in the station?
It has a cement porch
behind the pumps, and on it
a set of crushed and grease-
impregnated wickerwork;
on the wicker sofa
a dirty dog, quite comfy.
Some comic books provide
the only note of color--
of certain color. They lie
upon a big dim doily
draping a taboret
(part of the set), beside
a big hirsute begonia.
Why the extraneous plant?
Why the taboret?
Why, oh why, the doily?
(Embroidered in daisy stitch
with marguerites, I think,
and heavy with gray crochet.)
Somebody embroidered the doily.
Somebody waters the plant,
or oils it, maybe.
Somebody arranges the rows of cans
so that they softly say:
to high-strung automobiles.
Somebody loves us all.


I'll let Maya's poetry speak for itself:

Seven Women's Blessed Assurance

The first woman said, One thing about me I'm little and low,
I find me a man wherever I go.

The second woman said, they call me string bean cause I'm so tall.
Men see me, they ready to fall.

The third woman said, I'm fat as butter and sweet as cake.
Men start to tremble every time I shake.

The fourth woman said, I'm young as morning and fresh as dew.
Everybody loves me and so do you.

The fifth woman said, I'm little and lean, sweet to the bone,
They like to pick me up and carry me home.

The sixth woman said, When I passed forty I dropped pretense,
cause men like women who got some sense.

But the seventh woman is my favorite, for obvious reasons.
The seventh woman said, Fifty-five is perfect, so is fifty-nine, cause every man needs to rest sometime. *


* I apologize for unintentionally altering Angelou's line breaks. My blog template repeatedly overruled me when I entered the poem as written.

I do not apologize for her cringe-worthy lines, which no amount of rearranging could redeem.


Twelve thousand people gave her a standing "O" for this "poem".She wrote it for an annual AARP convention, where she was being honored for her outstanding literary achievements.
"Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Match --- Find Me A Find --- Catch Me A Catch"

Current mood: unimaginably sad

Category: Romance and Relationships

Hello, How are you doing?I'm XXXXX and you?I look into your profile and you looks sexy,beautifull and looks like someone that people will like to get to know,well I'm just looking into many peoples profile so I decided to pick yours out of the most profiles because I keep wondering on what will such a beautifull woman like you will be looking for on here,anyway I belief if there's no reason,so there's no certainty for deeds so by this I belief there's reason for everything. I wish to know more about you so to see who you really are by telling me more about yourself,what you likes,what you don't likes,what you do,any kids? and more....Well Here goes a little about me.....I'm From Tennessee ,I work as a consultant to an oil company so I belief with God all things will be possible.You might be wondering that what will I be looking or wanting in someone as look as you're and also in long distance....This is just because I've been hurt by a woman which I truly devote all my time for and I think it's very bad experience to me and I don't pray for such anymore under any circumstances.....So I don't want to get hurt again and I hope someone as good as you're will not want to hurt or makes me feel sad so for this I Hope we'll be able to make this dreams of getting into great world becomes real for us if we're compatible or meant to be....And not that I'm just looking for anyhow woman but I'm looking for someone who's Honest,Caring and Trustworthy so if you're with any of these qualification....I'll like to talk to you and don't mind you IM me on my yahoo ID here which is .... xxxxxxxxxxx and my email there also on yahoo dot come....I look forward to talk to you Later..bye for now till I hear from you. XXXXXXX


Thank you for recognizing the fact that I am, at nearly seventy, extraordinarily sexy and beautiful. The fact that you picked my picture out of many millions is especially flattering because almost all the women on MySpace are in their teens or twenties.

I am indeed wondering on that what you will be looking or wanting in someone as look as I'm. And as for what I likes and don't likes, my profile is a good place to start. I belief you when you say you're not looking for an anyhow woman. I'm not sure I belief that with God all things will be possible, but then I don't work for an oil company.

As for the qualification I'm with, I can assure you that I am Honest, Caring and Trustworthy - but it was these very traits which caused me to lose a man I met on the internet and fell deeply and desperately in love with.

I have decided to be Dishonest, Callous, and Deceitful next time around.

Best Wishes,


(Deeplip, who is tearing her hair out, strand by strand.)
“Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one” (Albert Einstein)

Current mood: unperturbed

Romance and Relationships


Love is like baseball.
I'm pitching and you're catching.
Or maybe you're not.
In a virtual bullpen
it really doesn't matter.

(From Deeplip's novella-in-verse, Unreqwerty'd Love: the story of belle and play.)

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Get Fat, Get Famous, Get Fucked

Current mood: cynical

Category: News and Politics

'Fat Man' Finishes Walking Trek in NYC
By ELIZABETH LeSURE, Associated Press Writer Wed May 10, 6:12 AM ET

(AP Photo)

NEW YORK - Steve Vaught didn't count each mile he walked or weigh himself every day along the way. And as he completed the final leg of his trek across America, he said making it to New York City from California on foot was only part of his story.

"I'm glad that I'm here, but for me it's never been about the destination," said Vaught, 40, as he crossed the George Washington Bridge from New Jersey to Manhattan more than a year after he began the trip to lose weight and find happiness. "It's been about the journey."


And about the publicity.

Do Not Ask For Whom The Belle Tolls /She Tolls For Thee

Current mood: don't ask

Category: Romance and Relationships



your beleaguered




it was mine

to love.

(From Deeplip's novella-in-verse, Unreqwerty'd Love: the story of belle and play.)
Our Fifteen Minutes Of Global Domination Are Almost Up

Current mood: stoic

News and Politics

Iran President Says Democracy Has Failed

By NICK WADHAMS and ANNE GEARAN, Associated Press Writers1 hour, 20 minutes ago

Iran's president declared in a letter to President Bush that democracy had failed worldwide and lamented "an ever-increasing global hatred" of the U.S. government. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice swiftly rejected the letter, saying it didn't resolve questions about Tehran's suspect nuclear program.
"This letter is not the place that one would find an opening to engage on the nuclear issue or anything of the sort," Rice said in an interview with The Associated Press. "It isn't addressing the issues that we're dealing with in a concrete way."

Rice's comments were the most detailed response from the United States to the letter, the first from an Iranian head of state to an American president since the 1979 hostage crisis at the U.S. Embassy in Tehran.
The letter from President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad made only an oblique reference to Iran's nuclear intentions, asking why "any technological and scientific achievement reached in the Middle East region is translated into and portrayed as a threat to the Zionist regime."

Otherwise, it lambasted Bush for his handling of the Sept. 11 terror attacks, accused the media of spreading lies about the Iraq war and railed against the United States for its support of Israel. It questioned whether the world would be a different place if the money spent on Iraq had been spent to fight poverty.
"Would not your administration's political and economic standing have been stronger?" the letter said. "And I am most sorry to say, would there have been an ever- increasing global hatred of the American government?"
Ahmadinejad on Tuesday called his letter "words and opinions of the Iranian nation" aimed at finding a "way out of problems" facing humanity, according to the official Iranian news agency. He spoke briefly before boarding a plane for Indonesia, where he was to attend a summit of developing nations.

Now that America sets the agenda and makes the rules for other sovereign nations, it is hardly surprising that Ms. Rice accuses Ahmadinejad of "failing to address the issues" - namely, the US government's opposition to Iran's nuclear development program.

The fact is, these are America's issues, not Iran's.

I have issues with my neighbors' noxious barbeques, but I do not demand that they stop spraying lighter fluid on their hibachis and grilling dead animals. The nauseating smell wafts over the fence and into my yard. I go indoors and shut my windows.

We are the world's bully. If we continue to be, we only increase the likelihood that someone - and not necessarily Iran - will bomb the living shit out of us, and I'm betting it's soon.
Are Men Sexually Shy ---- Or Just Cautious?

Current mood: analytical

Category: News and Politics

If you're able to get a copy of today's New York Daily News, there's a feature article on page six that is not to be missed. Even by tabloid standards, it is a masterpiece of hyperbole, sleazy innuendo and, most importantly, misinformation.

It is a survey about women's sexual satisfaction. The comic strip style illustration depicts a man in a suit and tie "talking dirty" to a smiling woman. A big turn on, according to the survey - along with, are you ready for this? - "jokes". Eeww.

We are told in the second sentence that "these days, women are getting as much satisfaction as men", and in the fourth sentence that "67 per cent of women almost always have orgasms". If both statements are true, 33 per cent of men are coming sometimes, rarely, or not at all during sex. Anybody believe that one?

Less obvious (and therefore more troubling) is the assertion, which appears three times in the half-page article, that women are having "sizzling" sex because they are less bashful about asking for what they want in bed. They are "more likely to spell out what they want in the sack". Well, everybody knows that women are better spellers than men, but I digress. Eighty per cent of women, as opposed to only seventy per cent of men "are comfortable asking for what they want in bed" or "not shy about what to do in the sack". How many ways can they say the same thing?

OK, you Elle Magazine morons, listen up. For this 10 per cent difference to be meaningful, men and women would have to be asking - or not asking - the same questions.

Men and women tend to have different sexual "wish-lists", and it is easier for a woman to ask for more foreplay than for a man to ask for anal sex, knowing there's a good chance he'll spend the night on the couch.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The Harder They Are, The Better I Like Them

Current mood: semi-humble

Category: Life

I live for the puns and anagrams puzzles in the Sunday New York Times. Crosswords and other puzzles stopped being puzzling when I was in high school, with the exception of the diagramless puzzles, which I, being spatially challenged, can't even begin to solve.

Yesterday, after finishing the puzzle - in ink, naturally - I reflected on my accomplishment:

I often joke that I have two left brains, but being relentlessly linear and logical 24/7 can be drag, not only for me, but for the people who have to put up with my nonsense. My right brain definitely needs to get out more. Puns and anagrams are "intuited" by the right brain, and when I have those eureka! moments, the pleasure is indescribable.

When the buzz wears off, I'm tempted to pat myself on the back - but I don't. I know that smart people solve puzzles constructed by people who are a lot smarter than they are.

If I were smarter than everyone else, I'd not only be lonely, I'd be bored as all get out. I don't know how Ken does it.

Goose Stepping

Current mood: wisequacking

Category: News and Politics

Goose Befriends Elderly Man With Cancer
Thu Apr 27, 10:07 PM ET (from Yahoo! News)

A northern Idaho man diagnosed with terminal cancer says a usually cantankerous goose that befriended him on his walks has helped him live past doctors' predictions.

"I'm 73," Bill Lytle, a two-time state legislator, told the Coeur d'Alene Press. "And I'm not ready to die."
After retiring as project manager for the Bunker Hill Mining company, Lytle and his wife of 52 years, Myrna, moved to Coeur d'Alene, where Bill became one of the founding members of a walking club called the Lake City Striders.

Then last fall his skin turned yellow overnight, and doctors diagnosed pancreatic cancer, giving Lytle only months to live. But Lytle continued his walks, having to cut them down to two miles at a nearby lake, where he met the goose who has inspired him to keep going even when he wasn't feeling well.

"I have to keep walking or I won't make my next December," Lytle said.

The goose, called Mr. Waddles, is a feral domestic goose, a biologist with the Idaho Department of Fish and Game said, offering no explanation for the relationship that has developed between the goose and Lytle.

Myrna has thought about that as well.
"I wonder, why would that one goose attach himself to Bill?" she said. "I think he knows he's sick. I think animals can sense that."

The goose, about 30 pounds with a red beak and red feet, approaches Lytle when he calls and rubs its head against his arms. But it snaps at anyone else who gets too close, including Myrna, their daughter, and Bill's hospice aide.

"Sometimes he walks around me, sometimes he walks beside me," Lytle said of the near-daily meetings the two have. "I rub his neck, and the top of his head and down to his back. Every time I came down, he just kept coming out. I think it's pretty nice, that he'd always come to me."


Sometimes all it takes to get you going is a good goose.


Update: I'm not sure this is what Julie Andrews had in mind, but it works for me:


Can't wait to slip a
finger in you and massage
your prostate, old man.
But first you're gonna have to
let me milk those venom sacs.

(From Deeplip's novella-in-verse, Unreqwerty'd Love: the story of belle and play.)

Self-Hating Men And The Women Who Love Them

Current mood: resigned

Category: Romance and Relationships

Loving a man for who he is and not who you want him to be can be a fatal mistake.

If he doesn't like himself, he'll think you're an asshole for loving him, and he will be threatened - not reassured - by the fact that you know his imperfections and love him anyway.

Better to love him for who you first thought he was, or who you hope he will someday be. Or love the man he pretends to be.

Whatever you do, don't love him for who he is. He will hate you for it.


Sunday, May 07, 2006

"If they asked me, I could write a book" --- but who's asking?

Current mood: underwhelmed

Category: Writing and Poetry

We all make typos, but usually not in our myspace profiles - especially when we are authors hawking our books. That's an ominous sign. I just received a friends request from an author whose profile contains a lengthy description of his upcoming thriller.

It's (sic) violent content is not for the faint of heart, he warns. It will be available at Barns (sic) and Noble, Amazon, and many others If (sic) you don't see it in your favorite bookstore.

A "reviewer" begins his high praise with this unintentionally hilarious sentence:

XXXXX is one outstanding book that swallowed my interest and that I found it exciting, dramatic and beyond any idea I had previously about undercover officers.

I would urge the author to immediately do the following:

1) Scrap the book.

2) Write one about a Mexican-American teen-age girl with acne, boy trouble and demanding parents who are pushing her to get into an Ivy League school.

3) Send it to Alloy Entertainment to be polished, packaged and shopped.

(Deeplip, who wishes her fellow author the best of luck in all his literary endeavors.)

Saturday, May 06, 2006

"Blow me a kiss from across the room/Say I look nice when I'm not"

Current mood: wanton

Romance and Relationships


Good things come in small
packages - like French perfume
and engagement rings.

Do small packages
come in good things, play? I've got
a really nice thing.

(Deeplip, from her novella-in-verse, Unreqwerty'd Love: the story of belle and play.)
Calling All Investors!

Current mood: entrepreneurial

Category: News and Politics

Game On for "The Sopranos" Thursday May 4 4:43 PM ET

By Gina Serpe (Yahoo! Entertainment News)

HBO was right: It's not TV. It's a videogame.

Software manufacturer THQ Inc. has announced plans to develop a videogame based on The Sopranos and featuring the voices and likenesses of most of the Mob hit's key cast members, including head honcho James Gandolfini.

I am developing my own video game, loosely based on the concept of the HBO series, The Sopranos.

The action takes place inside a maximum security prison, where convicted child molesters forced to take female hormones to suppress their sex drive run a dangerous but lucrative drug operation selling Depo-Provera to transgendered inmates.

The game will be called The Castrati.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

The Messiah? I Don't Think So ...........

Current mood: rooting for the other guy


From Slate:

Gandhi and Tiger Woods

By Robert Wright
Posted Monday, July 24, 2000, at 11:30 PM ET

"Tiger will do more than any other man in history to change the course of humanity. He is the Chosen One. He'll have the power to impact nations. Not people. Nations."
Earl Woods, Tiger's father

"Tiger has Thai, African, Chinese, American Indian, and European blood. He can hold everyone together. He is the Universal Child."
Kultida Woods, Tiger's mother


Gosh, you'd never know it with all the cursing, club-throwing, pouting and other displays
of immaturity and lack of discipline Tiger treats his fans to on network TV. Far from being a role model, he is an embarrassment.

I remember when he missed a key shot and then, incensed, took a savage swing at his
caddie. I couldn't help but think, if Tiger's temper causes him to behave this badly in front of millions of people, his private meltdowns must be spectacular.

John Daly may be the PGA's "bad boy", but Tiger is still, at thirty, a spoiled brat.

If he truly wants to honor his father's memory, he can begin by growing up.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Publishers Sell Authors, Not Books

Current mood: tired of the bullshit

Category: Writing and Poetry

Since the hapless young Harvard "author" was signed before she wrote her book, it seems only fair to hold Kaavya Viswanathan's ghost writing and "packaging" people responsible for the rampant plagiarism involved in its creation.

When she said she had no idea she was plagiarizing another author - make that "authors" (see below) - she might well have been telling the truth. She probably had little or nothing to do with the actual writing of her coming-of-age, chick-lit novel.

If you look at the copyright page, you'll see the copyright is shared by Alloy, an entertainment industry powerhouse with a proven track record of marketing "authors" like Viswanathan - after carefully crafting their novels for them.

A vivacious, beautiful young Indian woman who made it into Harvard is a PR person's dream. To expect her to also come up with a finished novel at seventeen is both unrealistic and unfair.

Getting into an Ivy League school is a grueling, all-consuming job: Honors classes, extra-curricular activities, sports, volunteer work, SAT preparation, college application essays. (The teenager was "helped" with the writing of her application by the same person who took her to William Morris and then to Alloy.)

The kid was probably getting four hours sleep a night.

Where in the world would she find the time to write her book? I'd be surprised if she read it.


Young Author Faces 2nd Plagiarism Claim (From Yahoo!)

52 minutes ago

A Harvard sophomore's novel, which was pulled from the market last week after the author acknowledged mimicking portions of another writer's work, appears to contain passages copied from a second author.

A reader alerted The New York Times to at least three portions of "How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life," by Kaavya Viswanathan, that are similar to passages in the novel "Can You Keep a Secret?," by Sophie Kinsella.

While the plots of the two books are distinct, the phrasing and structure of some passages is nearly identical, the Times reported Tuesday.

In one scene in "Can You Keep a Secret," which was published by Dial Press, the main character, Emma, comes upon two friends "in a full-scale argument about animal rights," and one says, "The mink like being made into coats."

In Viswanathan's book, Opal encounters two girls having "a full-fledged debate over animal rights."
"The foxes want to be made into scarves," one of them says.

There are also similarities in details and descriptions. Jack, the love interest in Kinsella's novel, has a scar on his hand; so does Sean, the romantic hero in "Opal." Jack has "eyes so dark they're almost black;" so does Sean.

"Can You Keep a Secret" was published in 2004, more than a year before Little, Brown signed then 17-year-old Viswanathan to a reported six-figure deal to write "Opal" and another novel.

Viswanathan did not immediately return a call for comment Tuesday. She refused comment to the Times.

Last week, Little, Brown announced it would pull copies of "Opal" which spent six weeks on the New York Times best-seller list after dozens of similarities were found with two novels by Megan McCafferty.

Viswanathan acknowledged borrowing from McCafferty's work but claimed it was unintentional.
Kinsella's book was published by Dial Press, which is owned by Random House. Stuart Applebaum, a spokesman for Random House, did not immediately return a call Tuesday. However, he told the Times: "If this latest allegation is true, it is very disturbing, but it would be inappropriate to make any further comment until we have an opportunity to thoroughly review the matter."

Thinking Outside The Box

Current mood: both horny and schoolmarmish

Category: Writing and Poetry

Ken? Just read your Eliot quote* on Delicious Demon. Are you feeling hollow this morning? I could fix that, but never mind.

FYI, the world could end with both a bang and a whimper. Especially if somebody had a boner that could cut glass.

*It's always a good idea to italicize quoted passages. Everyone isn't as erudite as you are, Ken. When you post someone else's words on the message board without attribution and your name appears directly below them, it gives people the impression you wrote them.


O, what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive.

Connie Bryson
Verisimilitude, My Ass

Current mood: not buying it

Category: News and Politics

From Yahoo! News:

Actors could escape England's smoking ban

Wed Apr 26, 11:57 AM ET

Actors could escape the smoking ban due to come into force in England next year if lighting up is crucial to their performance, the Department of Health revealed.

Theatres, film and television crews could be exempted from the ban on smoking in enclosed public places because of worries about actors' ability to portray smokers.

"The government is considering providing a specific exemption from smoke-free legislation to ensure that smoking can take place on stage during live theatrical performances, or during film and television recording, where smoking is integral to the plot or storyline," a Department of Health spokesman said.

"We will be consulting with the theatre industry on what they consider integral to the plot."
Theatre companies have voiced fears that historical well-known smokers, such as Britain's cigar-loving World War II leader Winston Churchill, would be tough to portray if actors were not allowed to light up on stage.
Public health minister Caroline Flint is writing to industry leaders about the ban with a view to exempting actors.


This is bullshit. When Hamlet is produced, we do not expect to see actual murders on stage. Actors do not shoot up with real heroin when they portray junkies. Why should tobacco be the exception? Let them smoke those vile lettuce cigarettes and cardboard cigars.
What's In A Name?

Current mood: bemused

News and Politics

Movie stars aren't the only people who give their children unusual first names.

Nothing wrong with that - but I love it when neighbors, friends and families of crime suspects and victims give the press only their first names and last initial, thinking this will assure their anonymity.

If my name were D'Kwashaand'rika J., or Regisvandiver L. or Nippursan T., I'd think twice about divulging my first name.

(I made up those names. The ones in the paper are much more unusual.)
Miserable Misanthropes And The Women Who Love Them

Current mood: compromising

Romance and Relationships


I'd never live with
a crazy old man, but I'd
make house calls. God, yes.

(From Deeplip's novella-in-verse, Unreqwerty'd Love: the story of belle and play.)
Demon-Possessed Men And The Women Who Love Them

Current mood: undaunted

Category: Romance and Relationships


The problem isn't
that you hear voices - it's that
none of them is mine.

(From Deeplip's novella-in-verse, Unreqwerty'd Love: the story of belle and play.)
There's No Fool Like An Old Fool

Current mood: exasperated

Category: Romance and Relationships


How does it feel to
be just half an hour away
from heaven, old man?