Friday, July 27, 2007

Why Beat Around The Bush?

Category: Writing and Poetry

PUSSY (After "Fox", by Adrienne Rich)

Epigraph: I needed fox/ Badly I needed/ a vixen for the long time none had come near me

I needed pussy badly
for the long time
none had come near me.
I craved to feel
on her pelt and needed
fierce and sacrificial tail
I needed history of pussy recognition
from a triangulated face
But I settled for
Sixteen volumes of
poetry and four books
of nonfiction prose
Translated into German Spanish
Swedish Dutch Hebrew Greek
Italian and Japanese
Numerous awards fellowships
and prizes including the
Ruth Lilly Poetry Prize
The Lenore Marshall/Nation Prize
for Poetry the Fund for Human Dignity
Award of the National Gay Task Force
The Lambda Book Award
the Los Angeles Times Book Prize
for Poetry the National Book Award
Also The Poet's Prize the
MacArthur Fellowship
and most recently
The Dorothea Tanning Prize of the
Academy of American Poets and
The Lannan Foundation Lifetime Achievement Award
Now I'm nominated again
for a National Book Award
but I don't need another prize
I have run through briars of legend
come a long way down
and I am in want of pussy

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Phone Sex

I got a phone call last night from Hillary Clinton's vagina. Actually, her vagina wasn't talking, it was a recorded message, telling me that I had "a chance to make history" for myself, my daughters and my grand-daughters.

We'd all be "walking a little taller", said her vagina. As the message played on, I was prompted several times to "press one", but I didn't want her vagina to call my unlisted, do-not-call phone again, so I hung up.

I'm voting for Barack Obama, and not because he has a penis - although I'm sure he has a nice one. Voting for Hillary because she's a woman is just as sexist as not voting for her because she's a woman. Her cynical "woman-to-woman" appeal is a step backward, not forward, for gender equality.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Oh, How I Hate To Get Up In The Morning (Haiku)

Waking up with a
hard-on is a lot more fun
when it isn't yours.
First The Golden Arches, Then The Pearly Gates


Tammy Faye Messner dies at 65

By STEVE HARTSOE, Associated Press Writer 39 minutes ago

Tammy Faye Messner, who as Tammy Faye Bakker helped her husband, Jim, build a multimillion-dollar evangelism empire and then watched it collapse in disgrace, has died. She was 65.

Messner had battled colon cancer since 1996 that more recently spread to her lungs. She died peacefully Friday at her home near Kansas City, Mo., said Joe Spotts, her manager and booking agent.

A family service was held Saturday in a private cemetery, where her ashes were interred, he said.

She had frequently spoken about her medical problems, saying she hoped to be an inspiration to others. "Don't let fear rule your life," she said. "Live one day at a time, and never be afraid." But she told well-wishers in a note on her Web site in May that the doctors had stopped trying to treat the cancer.

In an interview with CNN's Larry King two months later, an emaciated Messner — still using her trademark makeup — said, "I believe when I leave this earth, because I love the Lord, I'm going straight to heaven." Asked if she had any regrets, Messner said: "I don't think about it, Larry, because it's a waste of good brain space."

More recently, Tammy Faye kept in the public eye via her Web site.

"I cry out to the Lord knowing that many of you are praying for me," Messner wrote in a July 16 post in which she indicated she weighed 65 pounds. "In spite of it all, I get dressed and go out to eat. ... I crave hamburgers and french fries with LOTS of ketchup! When I can eat that again, it will be a day of victory!"


The link between diet and colon cancer is so well established, it's sad to learn that a sixty-five pound woman dying of the disease continued to crave junk food right up until a few days before her death.

A day of victory for Tammy Faye would have been been every day she drove past McDonald's.
Double Teamed (Haiku)

I'm not only more
woman than you can handle
I'm a better man.
Garden Party (Haiku)

The skunk looked around,

scratched his head and said sadly,

Where did they all go?

Friday, July 20, 2007

Friday, July 20, 2007

Fool Me Once ......

From MSNBC (AP) Updated: 12:40 p.m. ET July 20, 2007

WASHINGTON: President Bush will undergo a routine colonoscopy Saturday and temporarily hand presidential powers over to Vice President Dick Cheney, the White House said.

Press secretary Tony Snow told reporters Friday that Bush will have the procedure done at his Camp David, Md., mountaintop retreat.

He last underwent colorectal cancer surveillance on June 29, 2002.


Cancer surveillance, my ass. Those doctors are looking for Dubya's brain.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Monday, July 16, 2007

Sometimes It Takes A Tanka To Explain A Haiku

When happy women

love unhappy men, it makes

them miserable.

Think you got it the first time?

Read the first three lines again.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Monday, July 09, 2007

What Planet Are You From? (Haiku)

Men are from Mars and
women are from Venus - unless
they are from Strapon*.

*And if they are from Strapon, they sometimes use an extra syllable in a haiku, because they can.

Friday, July 06, 2007


How Many Naked Emperors Does It Take To Write A Poem?

Pull My Daisy

Pull my daisy
tip my cup
all my doors are open
cut my thoughts
for coconuts
all my eggs are broken.

(Kerouac, Ginsberg, Cassady)

Pull My Finger

Pull my finger
kiss my grits
all my lines are busy
Cut my seams
for Krispy Kremes
dance me till I'm dizzy.

(Me, Myself, I)