Saturday, March 29, 2008

Ain't We Overrated?

It's a real challenge to parody a poem that's so bad, it's already a parody. I penned this as a tribute to celebrated poet (?) Maya Angelou a few years ago, and I'm posting it again in honor of her upcoming eightieth birthday.

Ain't That Bad? (after Maya Angelou's poem of the same name)

Dancin' the funky chicken
Eatin' ribs and tips
Diggin' all the latest sounds
Drinkin' gin in sips

Dancin' the Beer Barrel Polka
Eatin' Kielbasi and kraut
Diggin' that funky accordian
Lettin' it all hang out

Puttin' down that do-rag
Tighten' up my 'fro
Wrappin' up in Blackness
Don't I shine and glow?

Puttin' down that hairnet
Loosenin' my bun
Wavin' my babushka
Ain't I havin' fun?

Hearin' Stevie Wonder
Cookin' beans and rice
Goin' to the opera
Checkin' out Leontyne Price

Hearin' Frankie Yankovic
Fixin' some knishes
List'nin' to Liberace
While I dry the dishes

Get down, Jesse Jackson
Dance on, Albert Ailey
Talk, Miss Barbara Jordan
Groove, Miss Pearlie Bailey

Get down, Lech Walesa
Z. Brzezinski, too
Write, Joseph Conrad
(CONRAD? Heck, who knew?)

Now ain't they bad?
An' ain't they Black?
An' ain't they Black?
An' ain't they bad?
An' ain't they Black?
An' ain't they fine?

Now ain't they bad?
An' ain't they Polish?
An' ain't they Polish?
An' ain't they bad?
And ain't they bad?
An' ain't they Polish?
An' ain't they fine?

Black like the hour of the night
When your love turns and wriggles close to your side
Black as the earth which has given birth
To nations, and when all else is gone will abide.

Pink like the first blush of morning
When the sun comes up and turns darkness into day
Pink like a cervix when it's giving birth
And a layette when a baby girl is on the way

Arthur Ashe on the tennis court
Mohammed Ali in the ring
Andrew Young and Andrew Watts
Black men doing their thing

Andrew Golata in the ring
The Pope in the Vatican Court
Roman Polanski and Rubenstein
Pink men of every sort

Dressing in purples and pinks and greens
Exotic as rum and Cokes
Living our lives with flash and style
Ain't we colorful folks?

Dressing in navy and white and beige
Knockin' back vodka mash
Livin' our lives with zest and grace
Ain't we got panache?

Now ain't we bad?
And ain't we Black?
An' ain't we Black?
An' ain't we bad?
An' ain't we bad?
An' aint we Black?
An' ain't we fine?

Now ain't we bad?
An' ain't we Polish?
An' ain't we Polish?
An' ain't we bad?
An' ain't we bad?
An' ain't we Polish?
An' ain't we fine?


Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Mark Of Cain

Clinton would have left Obama's church

By CHARLES BABINGTON, Associated Press Writer 26 minutes ago

GREENSBURG, Pa. - Hillary Rodham Clinton said Tuesday she would have left the church that Barack Obama attends if her minister had talked about America the way Obama's pastor has.


I don't remember anyone asking former Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney why he remained in the Church of Latter Day Saints despite its ban on blacks, who were thought to bear "the mark of Cain".

He recalled what an emotional moment it was for him when the church ruled in 1978 to accept them into the fold.

When he heard the news on his car radio, he said, he began to cry, and had to pull off the road.

Interesting. Romney was thirty years old at the time. That means he'd had a dozen years to wrestle with his conscience. He could remain in a racially segregated church or he could walk away.
He chose to stay.


Thursday, March 20, 2008

I'm Not Hearin' It

Whatever possessed Ameritrade to choose Dennis Hopper as their spokesman? Couldn't they find a baby boomer to stand in the middle of the desert and snarl, "Did ya think fifty's the new forty? Get real!"

Does Ameritrade think seventy-two is the new fifty? Get real! And get Hopper's annoying old ass out of the desert, before he dries up and blows away.


Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Tit For Tat

Obama isn't a Muslim, as far as Hillary knows - and Hillary isn't a bulldagger, as far as I know.


Haiku are cornball
platitudes about nature,
mercifully short.

A tanka is a
haiku that didn't make the
cut, taking thirty
one syllables to say what
could be said in seventeen.