Saturday, December 26, 2009

Christmas Isn't Just For Kids

I haven't been to the dentist in eight years. I can't afford to go. I wrote a song called, "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Back Teeth" and sent it to Santa. So far, I haven't heard back from him.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Bah, Humbug!

The Three Wise Men saw a star and went to a manger. We see an ad and go to the mall.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Only Ten More Days Until January 2nd!

I've got an idea for a song. Actually it's a medley of two songs - Silent Night and White Christmas - and it's called Silent Christmas. Get my drift?

And I wrote a couple of Yuletide poems:


Those fucking chipmunks!
And what's worse is
all the carols
have four verses.


A different kind of Christmas
A topsy-turvy day
Santa's in the manger
Jesus drives a sleigh
The toys are in the chimney
And there, for all to see
Rudolph's screwing Mommy
Underneath the tree

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Wake Up And Smell The Cyanide, Piano Man

Billy Joel: Alexa will be fine; mom is with her

December 5, 2009 By NEWSDAY STAFF

Billy Joel said his daughter will recover after law enforcement sources said they responded to a report of a suicidal female at Alexa Ray Joel's Greenwich Village apartment Saturday afternoon.

Joel told Newsday Saturday night that he was deeply shaken but that his daughter was never in any danger because she got to a hospital quickly.


Never in any danger? She tried to kill herself, and if her roommate hadn't discovered her, she might have died.

Somebody needs to pull Billy Joel's head out of his ass, and get him some help, before Alexa tries it again, and succeeds.