Thursday, April 13, 2006

"Winnie The Pooh's Tragic Last Days" (From The National Enquirer)

Current mood: moved to tears

Category: Life

From today's Yahoo! News:

Winnie the Pooh Gets Hollywood Star Wednesday April 12 1:59 PM ET

Winnie the Pooh sure does love his honey, but the beloved bear now has something just as sweet: a star on
the Hollywood Walk of Fame.


In a recent interview, the old bear shocked the world when he remarked that the only thing tastier than honey or fame was Pooh Nanny, his beloved childhood nurse, who took her own life rather than face charges of engaging in sex with an ursa minor.

Winnie never recovered from her death. He became reclusive, overindulging in sweets and alcohol, avoiding old friends and eschewing female companionship.

He now suffers from gout, diabetes and rampant tooth decay, and according to his own unconfirmed reports, a boner that could cut glass, which doctors speculate is caused by crystallized sugar lodged in the corpus cavernosum.