"Best Sex I Ever Had!"


When the Post headline came out in 1990, I wrote a finger-poppin' blues about the Donald. Can someone get the lyric to him? I'm hoping he'll sue me. I need the publicity.


THE DONALD

On a park bench, cold and damp
Sits a man named Donald Tramp
Dirty clothes, holes in his shoes
Three-day beard, he's yesterday's news
He rambles on about his life
Pulls out a picture of his ex-wife
She's blond and elegant, real high class
A very expensive piece of ass

Outta cash, outta luck, outta time
On the street, without a dime
Outta work, outta step, outta style
But The Donald had it all --- for a while

He had a great big ego, a big libido, too
So much charisma, he didn't know what to do
Marla said, "Best sex I ever had!"
Ivana said, "Donald, you've been very bad!"
He said, "Ivana, I need some time
You do your thing, and I'll do mine!"
The bankers and lawyers had a power lunch, they said
"We gotta beat that bitch to the punch!"

(Chorus)

Donald made Marla sign a pre-nup
But she couldn't hang 'til the five years was up - she said,
"Judge, it's invalid! He forced me to sign!
And half of his money is rightfully mine!"
They sold his casinos, seized his yachts
The courts and the creditors were calling the shots
Donald Tramp's broke - and cryin' the blues
And Marla's out shoppin' for a new pair of shoes

(Chorus)